How Old Do You Feel?

When I was little, I can carry around a stuffed animal, a knock off Winnie-the-pooh, and wear a spaceman inspired vest, and that is acceptable.  I do not think I can do that now.

So, I will be 45 years old on Saturday.  At my age, there isn’t much I really want.  My wish list is going to be anything fishing related, like, mostly fishing lures, because they always get lost.  But it doesn’t matter too much, I’ll get them all the time, so it’s not anything special for a birthday, right?  But what I hope I will get is a bracelet from my son and daughter, because my last bracelets I got from them about 2 years ago, finally broke when I was fishing a few months ago.  So that is kind of sad.  And maybe the other thing would be just having good food.  And that is it.
​
Birthdays are different when you are younger.  It is more exciting and more stuff to get.  When you are a kid it’s whatever awesome toy.  And you are a teenager, it is probably video games and gift cards, college and single, it’s usually… umm… unfiltered young adult stuff.

But I am too old for any of these things, and I honestly do not feel I would enjoy any of it as I would if I were at that age and at that stage of my life.  Man… this makes me sound like an old fart!  A total Debbie-downer!  Am I really THAT old?

I may be turning 45, but I do not feel old.  Well, to be honest, physically I am feeling my age.  I am finding more grey hair, my hair is thinning more, I feel little less energy, I am having stomach issues (which I always had) more often that sidelines me for some time.  And also, I have now a nagging Achilles inflammation that really hurts a ton… honestly, just waiting for it to possibly rupture… maybe not, no doctor really knows apparently, but it will be pain that now comes and goes.  Physically, yeah, I am aging.

However, mentally and spiritually, I feel alive, I feel young!  I don’t think my physical body and age reflect my feelings and my motivation.  To be honest, as I am getting older, I feel more blessed and I feel more thankful.  Often, I think about how amazing God is and the world He made and how God continues to guide my family and myself. 

I don’t want to be younger and do young people stuff and enjoy what I did when I was a kid.  I find new meanings to living life at my age.  I am excited about aging, in a weird way.  I am worried about some things that come with aging, one thing is security and financial stability, but I have a plan, and I know I will adjust in that plan as I get older and life can go through change.  So, I give that to God, to help and guide me through that!  But I don’t ever want my mental ability, thinking and feeling, or my spiritual motivation ever be reflected in my age and physical usableness.  I will do what I can to stay, what Bob Dylan says, “forever young.”  Geez that sounds old…

---